3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
