wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
