Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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