Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
