This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
