great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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