what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
