I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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