I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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