dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
