if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
