i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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