I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
