There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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