i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
