I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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