Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
