Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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