I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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