Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
