I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
