This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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