Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
