my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
