why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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