Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
