I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Houston, we have a blender
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
