i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
