You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
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I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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