if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
