NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
