that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
