I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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