It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
