wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
