just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
