Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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