In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
