I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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