also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
