She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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