I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
