I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
