im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
