Im at strip club and am horny
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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