He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
