I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
