I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
