also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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