You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
