Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
