I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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