I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
