So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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