So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
