The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
