hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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