I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
