don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize