all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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