I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
