I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
