You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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