You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
