morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
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he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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