I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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