So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
