theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
