explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
