I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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