she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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