So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
