OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
