I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize